at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
