I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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