how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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