just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
