I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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