I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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