I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
