Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
