I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
