Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
