There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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