He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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