I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
