you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
tell me about the fingering
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