so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
