Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
