Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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