Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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