she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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