I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
