i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
