im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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