I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
