I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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