i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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