I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
two words: eviction party
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
