How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
