yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
