she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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