I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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