I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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