Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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