i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
