Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
