I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
