The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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