in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
