I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
