Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
