She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
