If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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