these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
