Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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