The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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