At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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