I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
