The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
