tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
