it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
