Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
