Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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