Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
