Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
