I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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