I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
