I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
