We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
