Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
