Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
