just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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