I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
