Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
