i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
