Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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