idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
