I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
