my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
