I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
