Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dear god my vagina.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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